


Famous Last Words

by calliope-plantain (calliope_plantain), calliope_plantain



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:16:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calliope_plantain/pseuds/calliope-plantain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/calliope_plantain/pseuds/calliope_plantain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Famous Last Words

 **Author** : Calliope-plantain

 **Rating:**  M

 **Pairing:** Regina/Emma

 **Disclaimer:**  I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.

 **Storyline:**  *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

 **Beta:** Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she’s missed and any feelings of distress are her fault ;)

_“I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak.”– My Chemical Romance._

* * *

 

_“There has to be something, Regina” Emma chuckled, her tone full and rich. The brunette could only shake her head in disbelief. Her son and partner were trying to make her make a wish in the old well they were picnicking by._

_“No, nothing” Regina supplied easily as she played with the coin Emma had given to her. The idea of dropping money down a well to make a wish was an odd one, but it was something Emma had insisted they do on one of their first dates. She’d wished to for happiness and as she sat with her family she knew her wish had come true._

_“There must be something you’d change” Emma asked merrily as she span around to lie on her stomach._

_“Why would I wish for anything when I have everything I’ve ever wanted?” Regina asked and was delighted to see her son looked mildly disgusted by her admission while Emma’s cheeks flushed. It took a moment for the other woman to speak; instead she slightly bowed her head._

_“Wish that nothing changes then” Emma suggested while her cheeks were still rouged with well-placed compliment. She’d meant it of course. The blonde’s eyes are twinkling in appreciation, almost as if she still can’t believe just how lucky she’d gotten. It was Regina who was the lucky one. She loved two amazing, honest and kind individuals and somehow they loved her in return._

_She wouldn’t change that for the world; and yet the very present image of their future was just within reach. Looking over at Emma with her beautiful smile she almost said the words. All she had to do was say “Marry me?” and their world would change. As she saw Emma’s jade eyes dance with joy she felt the familiar flutter within her chest and wanted it more than ever. She could see her forever in Emma’s face._

_She’d made plans. When she was going to carry out these plans she didn’t know. She wanted to walk hand in hand down the beach late at night. It was a tradition they’d created. They could talk and just be themselves. No pressure. They weren’t anybody to anyone else, except each other. They weren’t mothers or the Saviour and the Evil Queen. Just Emma and Regina. As they would look up at the stars and Regina would go down on one knee and ask. Regina felt her throat contract at thought of Emma saying yes. Of starting their lives as a married couple. Their second chance. She wanted it all and she wanted it with Emma._

_Was it appropriate to ask someone to marry you on your birthday? Henry was there. It was something she’d wanted to just share with Emma, but seeing both of their smiling faces beamed at her she found she wanted her family there. Emma and Regina would celebrate in their own way but she realised she wanted their son there.  To share it with them._

_Henry’s cell went off once again. It had been at least the tenth time since they’d left the house little over an hour ago. She was glad he finally had friends. “Someone’s popular” she said and saw Emma smirk. It had been Emma’s idea to get their teen the phone and since then he has been more active. The smirk was a clear I told you so and she resisted the urge swat at her. Mainly because the very easy and obvious target was the blonde’s backside._

_“It’s just Gramps about tonight” Henry said replying to his grandfather’s text. Regina felt her brow furrow and heard Emma’s slight groan before her blonde head came to rest upon their picnic blanket. Clearly “tonight” was something Henry wasn’t supposed to have mentioned._

_“Tonight?” Regina enquired and saw the familiar look of shook on the boy’s face. The look of a rabbit caught in headlights. Henry’s mouth just hung open clearly unaware of how to get out of the situation and looking as if he wished the ground would swallow him whole. He nervously looked at his birthmother; who had not yet reared her head._

_“Cheers kid” Emma said her tone was one of humour but even Regina could hear the annoyance and reprimand laced within. Henry looked almost ashamed and Regina can’t help but feel guilty. She could have just let it go, pretend she hadn’t noticed her son’s slip._

_Emma moved to sit up at her entire height but Regina noticed it took her a moment to look at her before she spoke. “We’ve been arranging a surprise party for you at Granny’s” Emma admitted quietly. She hadn’t been expecting that. “We’ve been arranging for about a month now…Henry…Ruby, Mary Margret and me” Emma added and Regina saw the Sheriff’s sheepish but nervous smile._

_She hadn’t had someone throw her a party before. Back in the Enchanted Forest the King had thrown parties supposedly in her honour but it mattered very little to him or their guests if the Queen actually attended. No one ever spoke to her. In Storybrooke she had been Mayor. She had one friend, Kathryn. She hadn’t had anyone who cared enough to spend her birthday with her, except her son. Her birthdays had meant very little because she did not age._

_Now the curse was broken…now she had a family…she had friends. She felt her eyes prickle with tears of gratitude. Appreciation she did not know how to express. Henry still looked guilty and worried for his birthmother’s reaction. A month. Her son and partner had been planning a surprise birthday party for her for over a month only to fall at the last hurdle._

_“I’m sorry Mom” Henry said quietly and she felt her heart ache at the young teen’s expression. It was the same one he’d had when he had broken her favourite mug when he was five. He had come into her study looking so sad she had thought he’d injured himself; only for him to produce her mug which he clearly tried to glue back together._

_“It’s okay Henry …thank you” Regina said firmly reaching for the only bit of her son she could reach; his knee. Henry gave a small smile though still looked burdened by his mistake. “I’ll be able to pick what to wear” the brunette suggested as a good reason for her son’s slip up. “I’ll still act surprised” she said finally with a reassuring nod of her head._

_Their son just laughed with a small “Okay Mom”._

* * *

 

_Emma had said she’d meet them there. She wasn’t here yet. She’d looked surprised as a number of people had shouted “Surprise” and “Happy Birthday” at the same time. Part of her had wondered if Emma would already been there but she hadn’t been. The brunette and their son had only been there for about ten minutes, but she still missed the other woman’s presence._

_She’d already lost Henry to Hook and Neal. They were playing darts while Snow was supplying possible ways that Henry could improve his aim. Charming hadn’t arrived yet and Regina wondered if something had happened at the Sheriff’s office and that was why Emma and her father were not present. Ruby still worked part time at her Grandmother’s diner and was currently talking animatedly to Tink who had already bought Regina her first drink._

_Everyone seemed to be happy. Looking around the diner she saw everyone was smiling. Families and friends were laughing and talking. People she’d cursed and once vowed to ensure they would never be happy again. Years later she, Regina was the happiest she had ever been and found she enjoyed seeing those around her being happy too. Even the pixie haired woman she’d hated for almost as long as she could remember. Neither of them were friends. They could be friendly. Regina tolerated Snow for Emma and Henry and Snow did the same with her._

_“Whoa” the former Queen heard Ruby say. The other woman was looking over her shoulder and it took a moment for Regina to feel the familiar tingle she felt whenever Emma was around. Finally the blonde had arrived._

_Turning around she realised just why Ruby had made the sound she did. There Emma was dressed in a long black dress that accentuated all the right places. Her long hair was half up allowing for some to cascade down her back. Her makeup was dark and smoky and made her eyes stand out so brightly Regina could see and feel their enchanting hue from across the room. Her long legs were made longer by the heels she wore. Actual heels not boots. A slit up the side of the dark material showed just enough leg to catch Regina’s attention but was enough to add a hint of mystery. In short Emma Swan looked just as beautiful and elegant as her name suggested._

_Smoky eyes were scanning the crowd and Regina felt the tingle within in intensify at the knowledge this…goddess was looking for her. Just for her. The moment Emma’s eyes found her the air seemed to thicken. Regina’s breath struggled to leave her lungs and she felt her body flush as she eyes zoned in on the sway of her lover’s hips._

_“Emma…you look…hot” Ruby exclaimed shamelessly pulling Regina out of her staring competition with Emma’s dress. It seems to cling to every curve. Every curve that only Regina knew about._

_She heard the small laugh as Emma gave her thanks. “Beautiful” Regina stated without thinking and is delighted to see her love’s shy smile. There she is, her Emma._

_“You look very nice” Tink chimed in and Regina had to resist a chuckle at the awkward look on the blonde’s face. It still amazes her how easily Emma blushes under her compliments. Emma really didn’t see herself how Regina saw her. Over a year together and the woman before her still surprised her every day._

_“Thank you” Emma said softly clearly embarrassed by the attention. Looking back at Ruby she saw the other brunette’s eyes wandering down Emma’s figure appreciatively. It was instinct when she wrapped an arm around the other woman’s waist, pulling her in close. Regina was sat upon a stool so the move made Emma’s frame bump into her, and made Regina come face to … face with the blonde’s tantalising cleavage. She felt herself gulp before allowing her eyes to rise to the blonde’s face. It was with a devilish smile the blonde pushed herself just a little firmer against Regina causing the older woman to swallow once again._

_“God get a room” Ruby huffed pulling both women out of their silent conversation. The smile upon her lips told them both the waitress was only kidding as she rolled her eyes and went to serve one of the dwarves. Tinker bell just smiled as she took another draw on the straw sticking out of her glass._

_“You were late” Regina said allowing a small but dignified amount of whine into her voice. Emma just smiled at her before placing a small kiss that did not correspond with her attire._

_“I wanted to look perfect” Emma said quietly as Tink went over to where Hook was talking to Charming. Regina hadn’t noticed him enter.  Next to Emma she was surprised she noticed anyone else in the small diner._

_“You always look perfect dear” Regina countered as Emma turned out of her arms to rest with her back against the counter. The blonde just shook her head in disbelief._

_“You could have told me that before I spent hours getting ready” Emma said rather cockily but Regina could see how touched the other woman was. She really did look beautiful and Ruby had been right. She looked hot. Regina let her eyes wander across Emma’s attire once again as Emma rested backwards on her forearms. The move caused her chest to jut out and Regina couldn’t help but wet her suddenly dry lips. The dress really did hug the blonde’s body perfectly._

_“Okay I’m going to mingle before you accidentally poof my clothes off” Emma said with her tone laced with the same tease she could see upon her lips. Regina eyed her furiously. How dare she look so amazing and then not let her appreciate it?_

_“I could do that you know” Regina supplied with a smug smile which only caused Emma to grin back at her unashamed._

_“I know I was there last time…thankfully our son wasn’t” Emma counted and both women heard Ruby’s bark of laughter. Damn wolf hearing. She shot what she hoped was an intimidating glare at the other brunette only for Ruby to roll her eyes. Emma however brought her attention back to her with a gently touch to her forearm._

_“It’s not my fault you look…delectable” Regina all but purred and she saw Emma shiver under her gaze._

_“Yep I’m going” Emma said with a frustrated chortle. Regina caught her hand just before she was out of reach._

_“You really do look beautiful Emma” Regina stated simply and saw Emma smile gently._

_“You don’t look too bad yourself” Emma admired before pulling her hand free. “You just have to wait a few hours” the blonde said and Regina saw that mischievous grin she’d come to associate with devilishly delicious things._

_“What for?” Regina asked carefully._

_“To open your present” Emma hummed stepping forward and kissing her. Regina knew it would look gentle, almost nothing from an outsider; except Regina felt Emma’s tongue dart across her down lip. Tantalisingly slow and almost undetectable. She tried to seize it with lips only for Emma to pull away; her smoky eyes darker and inviting her. There was almost a challenge in them. “Only a few more hours” Emma said her breathe quivering against the lips she’d just moistened._

* * *

 

_Regina had talked to almost everyone. She had smiled and thanked them for coming. She had bored herself senseless with small talk as most of the adults had started to succumb to the alcohol they had been consuming. Someone had put music on probably Ruby from the way she was dancing against Hook. The second her shift had finished Ruby had started drinking._

_She had also followed each of Emma’s moves with her eyes. Watched her body language as she spoke to different people. Occasionally their paths crossed and she found she couldn’t keep her hands off the other woman. Regina knew she was a possessive person and could get jealous. She knew it. It wasn’t something she was awfully proud of. It meant that when Emma had gone over to talk to their son and her mother Regina had stood watching. On guard. She had also been watching Neal all night._

_He, like her had been watching Emma. Regina didn’t like the look in his eye. He no longer had the right to look at her partner like that. She couldn’t blame him but she certainly didn’t like it. It had been when Neal stepped forward to say something to Emma and he placed his hand on the small of her back that Regina’s blood boiled. He had no right to touch Emma after what he did to her. She had watched as Emma smile nervously and had been relieved to see the other woman moved slightly closer to her mother, effectively causing Neal’s hand to fall._

_Regina allowed her arms to snake their way around Emma’s midriff the next time the blonde went to the counter to order another drink. Emma’s heels gave her the height advance and Regina found she rather liked it. She felt the other woman shiver at the contact. “Dance with me” Regina whispered and was surprised when Emma turned she looked hesitant._

_“Regina I don’t dance” Emma said turning in her arms. There was a time when they didn’t do this. When Regina felt uncomfortable with affection in public. Even when their relationship came out into the open she still felt nervous and unsure. But now…now she craves that connection. No matter how small and insignificant. She finds it hard to believe she once fought against this._

_“We both know that isn’t true” Regina counted with a raise eyebrow. Since Neal let it slip about Emma erotic dancing history, Regina had the pleasure of being a victim to it. She loved it. She watched Emma blush furiously and couldn’t help her grin._

_“I am not doing that here” Emma flustered still turning a different shade of red. Regina couldn’t help her giggle at the other’s expense._

_“I never suggested you did. Though in that dress…” Regina said letting her voice trail off, enjoying that fact that she was now in control._

_“I can’t dance” Emma supplied again looking rather sheepishly around the room to see if anyone was looking at them. “Pretty much everyone here has been to fancy balls and …I just can’t dance” Emma explained with a sigh. It took a moment to realise what Emma meant. “I’ve never been “dancing” I wouldn’t want to embarrass you” Emma sighed once again and Regina felt her heart sink._

_“You could never do that” Regina said firmly. “Not ever” she added and saw Emma’s small smile.  “I can teach you” the older woman offered and the smile fell only to keep over by a look of trepidation. “Come on” Regina said pulling Emma with her as Granny’s placed Emma’s drink on the counter. She could drink it in a few minutes._

_Regina pulled her partner off to the side of the makeshift dance floor. Despite the strong grip Emma had upon her hand, the blonde’s eyes were darting around the small space still checking no one was looking at them. “Look at me” Regina commanded softly, but the younger woman didn’t. “Emma” she said trying again but even then it took the other woman a moment to look at her._

_“Regina people are going to look” Emma whined and Regina couldn’t help but feel sorry for the woman in front of her._

_“No they aren’t” the brunette said ignoring the glare Snow was giving them from behind Emma. That woman really didn’t like their relationship. She trashed it whenever she could while pretending to be sweetness and light. She really hated her. “If you really don’t want to do this then we don’t have to” Regina said softly hearing the music tempo change to a slow ballad. It was perfect._

_“No I want to” Emma said she a small nod. Regina could only smile back._

_“Okay…” Regina said reassuringly. She was going to go easy on Emma. She just wanted to be close to her lover, to share this moment with her. She didn’t want anything or anyone else. Just Emma. Ignoring Snow’s stare she stepped forward taking hold of Emma’s waist and pulled her in close. Unlike earlier there was no possession in her hold. She felt Emma stiffen slightly under her hold._

_“Put your hands on my shoulders” Regina instructed and was surprised when she did exactly that. She knew it was a dance from this world and not the Enchanted Forest and she found she cared very little as she tugged Emma in a little tighter. She swayed them a little only slightly moving her feet. The blonde kept trying to look at their feet. “Just look at me. It’s just you and me” Regina reassured. The other woman looked up anyway despite looking unsure._

_“I might stand on your feet” Emma whispered as if it anyone around them might hear them. No one cared….except Snow White._

_“No you won’t, and even if you do its fine” she soothed and was relived to see Emma take a deep breath. It was followed by the other woman leaning more secure against her. The older woman kept them moving just enough. She had to bite back smile as Emma even pulled Regina in closer, making her forearms rest against her shoulders._

_The blonde was loosening beneath her hands and moving more of her own accord. “Thank you” Emma said just loud enough to be heard over the soft melody being played. Regina allowed the smile to capture her lips and watched Emma return it in kind._

_Emma’s eyes were glittering, their usual sharpness was back. She felt the other woman’s sigh of contentment against her face. “Pretty sure it’s I who should be saying thank you to you” Regina gave back enjoying Emma leaning in slightly. She wondered if Emma was aware of it._

_“Why?” Emma breathed against her lips and it took all of Regina’s self-control not to kiss the lips almost pressed against her own._

_“For giving me the best birthday I’ve ever had” Regina gave sincerely and felt Emma lean into her and hold onto her that little tighter._

_“You’re welcome Regina” Emma said sweetly. God she loves this woman more than she even knows how to express. It still surprises her to see the same level of love she feels for the blonde reflected in her lover’s eyes. Emma sees and loves her for who she is. She’s passed the walls and the protection to see the woman inside. The woman she had once believed she would never be again and somehow this woman brings her out so effortlessly._

_“I’ve set the standard I think” Emma says with a small chuckle. “Can only get better” she adds and Regina feels her heart flutter at the prospect of future birthdays. Emma talks about it so effortlessly. Their future. She wishes she could just ask. Could just say the words, but she wants it to be special. To be perfect._

_“It’s going to be hard to beat this year, dear” Regina quips and feels Emma’s husky chuckle against her lips._

_“Hmmmm I accept that challenge” Emma retorts lightly and it makes Regina’s heart lighten. The other woman just looks at her as if she’s mesmerised by her. Whenever Emma looks at her she just feels…special. Finally worth something – something she had earned. “How do you do it?” Emma asked resting her forehead against Regina’s. The brunette just lets her eyes close enjoying feeling her love close._

_“Do what?” Regina asks quietly as she barely registers the music’s tempo changing. Faster, and yet their pace doesn’t change._

_“Make everything disappear” Emma confirmed with another chuckle. Regina felt the smile upon her lips hurt her cheeks as she grinned tightly. How had she gotten so lucky?_

_“Magic” Regina quipped back and she can feel her heart tightening as Emma laughs._

_“God I love you” she hears the other woman say before feeling her lips upon her own._

Regina awakens up with a jerk. The waves of nausea travels across her in rolls as she swings her legs across the side of the bed. She refuses to look at the small teen sleeping on the other side of her bed. Henry had taken to sleeping in her bed when he was at home. Henry had finally broken down over his birthmother’s death. She had been astonished when Snow had said Henry feared he might lose Regina too. He’d been having nightmares and crying in his sleep.

He had had one the first night he returned home and had been sleeping in his own bed. It had been in the early days since she’d returned to her own bed. He had come in early in the morning still tears falling down his face as he had begged her not to leave him too. She’d allowed him to climb into bed and they held each other as they both cried.

That had been over two weeks ago and whenever he was at home he came into her room late into the night and climbed into the opposite side. Sometimes Regina didn’t even know he was there until she woke to find her son’s head upon the pillow that should hold his other mother’s head. He didn’t have nightmare when he slept next to her. Regina wished she could say the same.

All she did was dream of Emma. Some were good like the one she’d had last night…memories, while others were of Emma begging her to move on. To forget her and be happy. She’d only been gone a month she wasn’t going to move on. A month…exactly today. Regina felt her eyes moisten as she realised it was in fact a month. Today was August the first. It would have been their anniversary. Two years. They didn’t even get two years together.

The tears fell all too easily these days. Regina never stopped them, what was the point? They’d come if she wanted them or not. She’d taken to wearing Emma’s t-shirts for bed. Even during the days she sat in Emma’s oversized jumpers. They still had Emma’s lingering smell. It made her feel safe. Henry doesn’t question it.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs she could see a small envelope upon the door mat. She never got post, not personal post anyway. Thankfully sympathy cards had stopped coming through their door, though she still got their saddened looks and sympathetic smiles on the rare occasion she ventures outside. It was with a slight sigh she bent down to pick it up.

Turning it over she felt her legs give way and was unable to catch herself before her knees connected painfully with the wooden floor. It was with a broken sob she took in the writing on the front. It was Emma’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

**Title:** Famous Last Words

 **Author** : Calliope-plantain

 **Rating:**  M

 **Pairing:** Regina/Emma

 **Disclaimer:**  I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.

 **Storyline:**  *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

 **Author's Note:** I’m sorry for the huge delay in updating. I wish I could say it won’t happen again, except I know it will. I started a doctorate back at the end of September – so in three years I will become Dr Calliope-plantain haha. I don’t know when I will update next, but I will try when I can.

 **Beta:** Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she’s missed and any feelings of distress are her fault ;)

_“I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak.”– My Chemical Romance._

Her eyes scanned the familiar writing as her heart raced and knees throbbed. There upon the cream envelope was her name and address etched in black ink…in Emma’s handwriting. How was it possible? What was this? It felt light in her hands despite the fact her stomach felt heavy in her gut. Her blood was pounding in her ears.

The familiar tingling was back. The tingling she’d come to associate with Emma and her diary. The diary she had read so many times in the last four weeks. So many times she could almost repeat them word for word. Her eyes and fingers had caressed each of Emma’s written words as she memorised them. Memorised them for what they were; Emma’s last gift. Except that wasn’t true. Her small envelope within her hands was evidence of that.

Turning the pale envelope over, she simply stared at the join. It was neatly tucked into the back. Daring her. Daring her to open it and see whatever its depths held for her. Except her hands would not move to do so. How was this possible? It must be a joke. A sick joke by some loathsome foul being who clearly thought her and her son hadn’t suffered enough.

Flipping the envelope over once again as if the writing upon the front might have changed she felt her stomach lurch once more. No it was defiantly remained the same. It was indeed Emma’s handwriting.

Regina allowed herself to sink completely to the floor rather than her knees, both ached from the force they had collided with the ground. Her eyes traced each letter. Each loop she had become so familiar with. It was only then she noted a small “1” in the top right hand side. Did that mean the 1st? It was the first after all. Their anniversary. Was that what this was? A replacement of Emma being unable to be there. Or was it Emma’s promise; this...whatever it was, was the first of several. Was this Emma somehow fulfilling her promise to do what she could once she died to help Regina get through it? Regina hadn’t heard of such magic. It wasn’t possible, was it?

Another almost painful buzz vibrated through her entire being causing her to audibly sob once more. Ripping open the thin envelope Regina finally accepted it was indeed from her love.

**_Dear Regina,_ **

**_I wish I could ask you how you’re doing but I already know. I am so sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through and what you’re going through because of all this. Because of me. Since the curse broke I expected that if I died it would be fighting some magical creature or saving someone in need. I never thought it would be cancer. Sounds silly now doesn't it._ **

**_I love you Regina. I love you more than you will ever know. I wish more than anything I was there to tell you that, but this will have to do._ **

**_I promised you a future and I fought so hard to make it happen. I gave up so much, at the prospect of gaining so much more… I’m sorry I couldn’t give you and Henry more. More of me, more time…just more, but I know you’re both looking out for each other and will do so for years to come. So please remember to take care of yourselves too…and Mary Margaret and David? I need you all to be okay. I really need for you to be okay. For me?_ **

**_I love you Regina, and I love you Henry. Thank you for making my time on this planet enjoyable. Thank you Henry for coming to find me and changing my world in a way I had never even dreamed was possible. I long had given up on fairy tales and happy endings; I never expected to end up living mine. I had long given up hope I would ever find a family I would belong in and you both gave me that and so much more._ **

**_This letter is my last promise. A promise I know I can keep this time, no strings attached. I don’t know what your and Henry’s future will look like; but I can promise you this. Life will go on. It will hurt for a bit, even a while. But I promise one day it will stop. One day in the future there will be a moment when you think of me and it won’t hurt so much. It may still hurt sometimes but only a passing twinge. One day you’ll think of me and of our time together and only smile – and that’s okay._ **

**_Watching over you both and loving you always,_ **

**_Your Emma … and Ma. Xxxx_ **

* * *

 

Regina pulled the cardigan she was wearing around her tighter as the slight breeze taunted her. August weather was not meant to be this cold. Emma had always brought warmth to Regina’s very soul, that could never escape and she never wanted it to. She had been wearing Emma’s clothes since the day she’d discovered the Saviour’s diary. The day of her funeral. She’d taken to spraying her perfume just before bed to cocoon herself in her late lover’s embrace. The cardigan Emma had probably worn most in the last few months of her life had become her comfort blanket. Always worn. Sometimes simply to relax for a few hours as she read or watched TV. Or on the bad days when Henry wasn’t there to sit and stare into the nothingness. At first it smelt so strongly of the other woman all Regina had to do was close her eyes. Close her eyes and Emma was there. Holding her. Holding her so tightly that nothing else mattered.

Now though. Now Regina had to search for the lingering smell over her own. The security it once held was drifting away from her and now she found even her fall back of spraying it with Emma’s vanilla scent helped very little. But sitting on the beach alone; the salted breeze teased her nostrils…filling her with memories of the past, memories she would never give up. As her eyes slid closed and she inhaled deeply she felt the ever present tingle under her skin that only Emma had ever brought.  Filling her entirely with a feeling Regina could not yet believe. One day it wouldn’t hurt so much. One day it wouldn’t feel as if her world had been ripped from her and her son. One day it wouldn’t hurt to even draw in breath. One day all Emma would be is a happy but distant memory.

* * *

 

_Warmth was surrounding her, engulfing her and seeping into every pore; as did the feeling of contentment. A feeling which increased tenfold at the feeling of a palm pressed against her midriff and the gently breathing brushing passed her right ear. Turning gently and slowly as to not wake the sleeping woman behind her, she was greeted by Emma’s face merely inches from her own. She allowed the soft smile to grace her lips as she took in the sleeping woman’s face and mess of blonde hair that was sticking up at odd angles. It was an endearing sight; one that until this moment she had yet been a witness to._

_Emma’s deep breath danced across her face, her sleeping partner clearly unaware of her audience. The blonde’s face looked so relaxed and at peace. It was a stark difference from the evening before._

_They hadn’t seen each other in the two days that had passed since they’d decided Emma would be the one to break it to her parents about their relationship. Not even in passing only a handful of texts between them as Emma explained how the conversation had gone. It hadn’t gone well. They had decided to tell Henry together first. He took it better than Regina had hoped, though he had started to talk excitedly about happily ever afters as both of his mothers averted their gaze from one another. It was much too early to talk of such things. They’d been… “dating” for little over two months, it was far too soon to be pinning hopes on their unlikely … and yet so possible and tangible future._

_Regina hadn’t been able to sleep at the thought of what Emma was going through simply for being in a relationship with her. The dread of what Snow would be telling her daughter in her attempts to get Emma to break off the relationship. At Snow’s attempt to poison Emma against her. The longer Emma stayed away, the worse she felt. She’d given Emma the power to make or break her and it made her feel powerless. She kept telling herself Emma was worth it and wouldn’t hurt her like that. She seemed to yo-yo between pessimistic thoughts of Emma ending their relationship and optimism that could only rival their son’s about their future. Two months and she was letting herself get so caught in it all. She’d been so determined not to get sucked in and yet two days of little contact from the other woman had driven her nearly insane with worry and anxiety._

_Then Emma threw her a curve ball by showing up on Regina’s doorstep late the previous evening. The woman had had tears in her eyes and wordlessly engulfed Regina into the biggest deepest hug imaginable. Regina had held the other woman as she cried. Emma hadn’t sobbed nor shuddered. There had been no signs of the younger woman’s distress only her slightly laboured breath and fallen tears against the crux of Regina’s neck as she held her close._

_It had started with a simple kiss pressed against Regina’s shoulder as the tears had stopped falling. Then another against her jawline, the corner of her mouth before finally one against her lips. Regina had accepted the kiss readily but had moved to ask the woman in her arms if she wanted to talk about it. Before the offer was made, it was declined with a soft “tomorrow” before Emma had seized Regina’s lips once more; only this time there was no gentleness there. Regina had allowed Emma to run the show, and followed her lead as the blonde directed them up the stairs, although somewhat awkwardly towards Regina’s bedroom._

_Their clothes had been shred and more kisses placed in all the right places as they danced to the sensual beat they’d only started to perfect. Being so wound up Regina came first and Emma conducted her tenderly before following her over the edge. In the two months they’d been together, Emma had had shown and showered her in a wealth of emotions and experiences she had long since given up hope ever to understanding never mind live first hand. In some pleasant twist of fate she’d been granted the opportunity of being with someone as one of kind as Emma Swan; and as she’d fallen asleep in her lover’s arms she had felt secure…protected and dare she think it…loved._

_Regina moved back slightly to distance herself from the sleeping face in front of her. It was to enable her to see it clearer; only she had fight back a chuckle as Emma’s nose crinkled in dislike at the move. Moments later the bleary eye visible over Emma’s pillow opened and closed a few times before Emma darted back in a shock realisation of their proximity._

_Regina knew she was smirking as Emma moved her hand from the older woman’s stomach in order to rub her slumber marred eyes. “How long have you been watching me sleep?” Emma asked her voice gruff with sleep. A tone Regina realised she always wanted to wake up next to. It was a romantic notion she was not going to share with her partner of little over two months; not just yet, and yet she found she wanted to._

_“Long enough” Regina quipped and heard Emma’s groan as she sat forward. The move caused cold air to rush underneath the blanket making goosebumps rise instantly on her heated flesh._

_“I should get going” Emma said her voice still groggy and yet held command Regina found tantalising and felt eager to hear it more often. She did not want Emma to leave. It wasn’t about being needy; it was about wanting to feel close. She had long since accepted they were in a relationship and had enjoyed the excitement of the secrecy surrounding their union, but now people knew. Now she found she wanted…needed more. She was ready for more, and the fact Emma was right next to her was proof enough that Snow hadn’t succeeded in scaring Emma away._

_“You don’t have to” Regina said as nonchalantly as she could, though found she could simply stare at the blonde’s bare back. Even when Emma turned quickly to look at her, it took a moment for Regina to look her straight in the eye, because it was needy and she did care. She wished she didn’t._

_Emma’s eyes were wide and filled with surprise and what looked like confusion. “We don’t do sleep overs Regina” the other woman said softly as if it was a horrible confession that should not be heard outside their four walls. Except they weren’t “their” four walls. They were Regina’s, and she felt her stomach plummet. Emma didn’t feel the same. She had been stupid enough to believe the Sherriff would ever feel the same._

_Of course she didn’t. Regina had made it clear early on…before they even started whatever this was that she didn’t want others to know. They often texted each other when everyone else was asleep and Emma “poofed” herself over. They didn’t always have sex, though it wasn’t uncommon. They often spent hours simply talking. Talking about whatever came to mind. The important and the mundane. It was special and intimate.  It was something Regina had desired to keep between them._

_“It was your rule” Emma said incredulously and Regina couldn’t help but feel even more_ _ridiculous because the blonde was right. It had been her rule. Emma was to appear and disappear before anyone had noticed she was gone.  It wasn’t out of shame or disgust; it was to keep them both safe. Emma’s parents’ reactions were proof she’d been right all along._

_“Our relationship is public knowledge I just…I thought that had changed things” Regina explained trying hard to keep her voice even. They’d been dating for two months and Regina didn’t know what their future would hold she found herself wanting to find out. They hadn’t even said that they loved each other yet…maybe they never would, but she didn’t want to give up on them yet._

_“Do you want it to?” her bedfellow asked and even she could hear the thick tone of hesitance that dripped from the words as Emma wrapped the cover round herself more. Though what Emma was hesitant about Regina didn’t know and it almost physically hurt her. To not know if it was the prospect of the next step or saying it out loud. Except Regina couldn’t give her that reassurance because she felt it too. Despite the security she felt now around Emma, she couldn’t even consider Emma’s true feelings. Always second doubting them, never mind her own._

_“Do you?” Regina asked and felt the pregnant pause stretch what felt like an eternity before Emma nodded. Regina bite her tongue to stop herself from making an audible sound. What sound her body would have betrayed her with she was unsure, but she wouldn’t allow it._

_“Really?” she asked cautiously and received yet another nod. She needed to hear the words. Maybe it made her even needier, she didn’t know but she needed to hear it all the same. She needed the confirmation. The reassurance that it wasn’t only her mind that was playing tricks on her. Regina often felt worthless but Emma had changed that. She’d changed that in just a matter of months, but she still had her demons. Her doubts. She didn’t want those to stop this from developing._

_“Emma…I know Snow…I know and I’d understand…” she breathed softly, pleading with the woman on the other side of the bed to deny what she was saying. To deny what she was unable to say. She knew how unfair it was to demand such a request because Emma had been the one to take the lead over their whole relationship and yet Regina controlled it. She knew that. It was her who directed it and created the rules and conditions of their union and Emma followed suit. It was Emma who eyes filled with … love...or admiration and so many other amazing things whenever she was in Regina’s company. It was the blonde who sent her, her favourite flowers while she was at work and left little notes for her to find throughout her day. Emma was perfect and somehow never demanded anything in return._

_“I want more Regina” Emma said carefully, her tone was guarded. She was just as scared as Regina and yet she still managed to do and be everything Regina needed of her. The older woman let out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding._

_“Good” Regina said softly with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She wished it wasn’t something that felt so huge. Emma could sleep over, it wasn’t a big deal but to them…both of them it was. They both felt the gravity of it, and part of it scared Regina. Much like everything else she’d felt for the other woman over the last two and half months since Neverland, and yet somehow she had fought every impulse to run. She found she never could run from the other woman but instead meet her head on._

_Emma just looked down at her however. There was no returning smile or reassuring glance. The blond was just looking at her as if amazed. It made her feel a little uneasy if she was honest but she refused to look away._

_“Get back into bed” Regina said trying and failing to make it sound more like a suggestion than a plea. Emma broke her gaze away from her to look at the clock, and Regina could see despite the other woman’s words she was still tense…possibly fighting the urge to run._

_“Emma please?” Regina murmured giving up the pretence that wasn’t going to beg as she allowed herself to trace the bare hip inches from her. Maybe it was Regina’s tone or the soft caress the brunette didn’t know but Emma turned her head back and simply sighed. She gave no confirmation. Emma simply slid back into place as if nothing had happened._

_Emma’s bare skin seemed to burn against her own, almost scorching her wherever their bodies touched. Emma was still nervous and still reluctant to maintain eye contact. “Thank you” Regina breathed and felt her heart leap at the small smile that finally graced her lover’s lips._

_The almost mystical emerald eyes did not raise to hers however until she heard Emma’s almost broken and timid reply, “Thank you for keeping me”._

The slight crunch of sand made Regina jump and open her eyes. The scene in front of her was much as it had been before her ever present pull to get lost in memories had overpowered her. Children and parents were playing in the sea while she remained concealed in their hidden oasis. No-one had ever bothered them here and it was a tradition that withheld which was why Regina ventured here whenever she could.

The crunching however could still be heard over the families playing in the distance, and a few seconds later the perpetrator became known. Snow’s head appeared from around the large selection of rocks to her right. Despite their renewed truce since Emma’s death Regina still felt the pang of annoyance and hatred pulsed within her chest. Annoyance for disturbing her. Annoyance for not being with her son who’d requested to spend the next few days with his grandparents. Hatred for the past and hatred for still managing to live her happy ending with her true love when Regina’s had been ripped from her. The latter was a feeling she felt for most the townspeople however. A feeling she knew to be unfair but then her fate felt so unfair.

Snow did not look reluctant as she appeared from behind the rocks, but instead looked her straight in the eye. No one but Henry had managed to do that in the last month. Most avoided her eye contact or gave it only to look away when it felt too intense. Just enough to get a glimpse into her life before they looked away. Just a passing moment in Regina’s shoes. Regina was used to people staring; it wasn’t that, that bothered her. It was the looks of pity. The looks of understanding. She did not need their pity and they didn’t understand. They couldn’t.  

Regina bit back the urge to bark at the pale woman to leave her alone. Regina had noticed the changes in the other woman since her daughter died. It was impossible not to. Snow had lost weight, her complexion was even paler than usual and she seldom smiled. It spoke to the woman who had once cared for the young girl despite everything else going on inside. Regina knew, no matter how much she tried to deny it she had once cared for the woman in front of her. There was also a part she frequently ignored that still did and it had nothing to do with her bond to Emma.

Snow never broke her stride as she walked to towards the former Queen but it wasn’t Snow’s walk that held Regina’s attention. It was the envelope clutched in her hand. It was exactly like the one folded inside Regina’s pocket. The older woman felt her stomach drop at the realisation and yet her heart soared despite of itself.

Snow had a letter too. Part of Regina had wondered if it was a sick joke or maybe just her imagination but here was proof in Snow’s hand that it wasn’t. Except Regina wasn’t the only one. She wasn’t the only special person to receive one. It wasn’t because it should be their anniversary, or because she had an undeniable connection with Emma, because Snow had a letter too.

Regina felt the familiar weight upon her chest as she tried to inhale calm into her system but pain didn’t shift. Pain for what was lost and would never be regained; pain of all the “what ifs” Regina could create each more fantastical than the last. The pain of knowing and understanding Emma’s written words, because Regina supposed the blonde was right. One day it wouldn’t hurt so much and Regina wouldn’t think of Emma in sadness but she refused to accept it…believe it. It hurt too much to even think that far ahead.

“She told me you’d be here” the younger woman said gesturing with the letter and ultimately pulling Regina from her thoughts. Even then however Regina was instantly reminded as Snow sat beside her, of the last time she’s shared this patch with someone else. With Emma, the day before she died. It instantly felt violated and dirty. Snow was contaminating it with her mere presence. This was her and Emma’s spot. They didn’t share it with anyone.

“You got one too?” Regina asked pointlessly with an air of what she hoped was curiosity despite feeling her magic buzz unpleasantly beneath her skin making her feel nauseous. She did not want this woman here. Snow could impede on any aspect of her life, and she pretty much had; but she could not be here.

“Yes” Snow replied softly as she turned the envelope over, and Regina saw Mary Margaret’s and David’s names and address upon the front. It felt sickeningly satisfying to see in Emma’s hand their names rather than her chosen titles for them in the end. Made her feel that moment of specialness the letter had brought her only a few hours before and yet at the same time it felt like a kick to the gut. They hadn’t been Mary Margaret and David in the end, but Mom and Dad; why hadn’t Emma addressed them as such?

“She told you I’d be _here_?” Regina asked suddenly just realising what Snow had said upon her arrival. Clearly not thrown by her question the other woman simply smiled tightly before answering her question.

“We’ve known for a while that this was where you disappear to. We thought you wanted to be left alone” Snow explained and while Regina guessed after the Charming and Henry had invaded their privacy here the day before Emma died, part of her had hoped they’d forgotten. Regina felt her heart drop at the word “alone” because she was yet again alone. Except it was worse than any “alone” she’d ever felt before because she knew now what it was like to be loved. Emma had loved her for exactly what she was; warts and all and loved her anyway. She’d never have that again. She did not want it again, she wanted Emma. She would always want Emma.

“But Emma knew you’d come straight here after getting her letter yes” Snow finished and for the first time since those days after Emma died Regina saw pity upon the younger woman’s face. She did not need Snow’s pity. She never needed it, and certainly didn’t need it now. It wouldn’t bring Emma back, nor would it make Regina feel better so she wished the insufferable woman would stop. Regina couldn’t look at the other woman in the eye. Couldn’t look at the dewy-eyed woman and not what to slap her. Couldn’t keep fighting the urge to do so without feeling guilty for thinking about it because Snow was in no better state than she was. Her eyes fell upon the envelope still in Snow’s hand.

Regina wanted to reach out and take the other woman’s letter. To read it. To see what Emma had said to her parents. To read and soak in everything she could from her love. It was yet any other way of keeping Emma with them, with her and she could take the letter out of the young woman’s loose grip and read it.

Except she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. It was private. The idea of someone reading hers and Henry’s felt wrong. Intrusive. The former Queen felt a rush of anxiety creeping within her chest, making it feel as if her blood ran cold. Where was Emma’s letter? Without thinking to plunged her hands into her pockets felt instant relief that her small envelope was still where she’d left it. She hadn’t lost it. Hadn’t lost something so important.

“Her cardigan looks good on you” Snow said pulling Regina out her thoughts. Thankfully it seemed the other woman hadn’t noticed her panic, or if she had she wasn’t drawing attention to it. Despite her thankfulness of either possibility Regina found words wouldn’t come and so she simply shrugged and pulled the front of the cardigan unnecessarily close for the August weather. The cardigan was unnecessary and Regina could feel her sweat lightly coating her skin and the heat prickling at her flesh, but she refused to take it off. She needed it to stay closer to Emma. Until she got home she wouldn’t take it off.

Seemingly unperturbed by her lack of response Snow continued as if they were mid-conversation. “I wasn’t sure she’d wear it because of the colour” she explained and without invitation moved to pick a piece of fluff from Regina’s sleeve. The sleeve which Regina pulled out of reach before the other woman could even make the move. It was with an uneasy feeling Regina considered what the younger former Queen had said. She had given Emma the cardigan, the very same cardigan which Emma had probably worn when her unstable temperature had gotten the better of her. Yet another flood of unjustified annoyance pulsed throughout her veins at the thought that it wasn’t just her Emma carried with her during her time away. For Regina it was perfume and bath products for Snow it was this cardigan.

“You gave her it? … Please tell me it wasn’t yours” Regina said somewhat harshly, remembering the numerous articles of clothing Emma had brought across when she moved in. Each as hideous as the last, all of which when Regina asked about, Emma simply stated “Mary Margaret” as if that was answer enough. The possibility that the woman before her might have been its former owner did nothing to weaken its hold upon Regina however. 

“No” Snow said with small weak wisp of a laugh. “She was always complaining she was cold when I rang. I just assumed it was the heating and she was too proud to ask for money to help, so I bought it and sent her it” Snow furthered though her explanation grew quieter as it continued.

The soft sand seemed to disappear beneath her, and yet her skin seemed to burn against it as she allowed the younger woman’s words to register. It seemed to take an age though for their meaning to make sense and then for words to form. By the time they did she felt sick, her unfinished breakfast lurched within her stomach and she felt a hatred for the other woman she had not felt in decades.

Regina could have gone and seen Emma. Could have helped her. She wouldn’t have had to be alone. Regina could have brought her back to Storybrooke sooner, they all could have had more time with the Saviour, but they couldn’t because she hadn’t known where she was. Snow had known and said nothing! She had told Snow of her belief that Emma’s missing Swan pendant was at her Boston apartment and it was only now the damn woman was bringing this up!

“You knew where she was staying…you knew her address?” she growled through gritted teeth and around a snarled lip. It was like anger she had never felt before. It burned through her system and screamed for release and it was with almost bone breaking force she balled her hands to stop herself from hurting the woman in front of her. To blast her to a million pieces. She could feel her nails biting into the palms of her hands. Could feel Emma’s letter scrunching in her hand and felt the familiar tingle vibrate from the small piece of paper; except she ignored it. The only thing stopping her from blasting the woman in front of her the look of horror upon Snow’s face. The look that was so much like her daughter’s when she had said something out of turn due to her illness not out of spite. The realisation was crippling, and reinforced by another “pulse” from Emma’s letter.

“I rang to get it so I could send her it and her neighbour picked up and I explained about the cardigan and she gave me the address. I never knew…” Snow stammered in a very Mary Margaret manner. It did nothing to sooth the rage within the former Evil Queen.  What made it worse almost was that Regina knew from reading Emma’s diary that the only time Michelle visited her, was when Emma was too sick to do things unaided. It had been Michelle that got groceries, helped Emma move about amongst so many other things the fragile woman had been unable to do by herself. It should have been Regina doing those things. All of it. Snow had stopped her from being able to do the little things which would have made Emma’s life that much easier.  

“You knew where she was and you didn’t tell me!” Regina stated as firmly as she could, though she suspected the families across in the sea were too far away to hear her and their Mayor arguing. Despite her desire to not cause a scene she couldn’t simple sit so calmly next to the other woman and so made to stand.

“Regina…” Snow soothed and tried once again to take hold of her arm.

“No!” she finally shouted not caring anymore if the town’s people heard her putting their precious Mayor in her place as she pulled her arm out of Snow’s reach. She would not be comforted, and yet she found she could not stand to her full height to pull herself away from the woman who looked so much like the love she’d lost. “You knew and you didn’t tell me. Things could have been different… I could have…We could have…you…” Regina said trying as hard as she could keep her temper to the forefront but instead the sadness took over once, because it could have been different. It could have all been so very different.

“ _I didn’t know_ ” Snow said all but pleading the other woman to understand. Regina did not want to understand. She wanted this pain and anger to disappear. She wanted her true love back. “All I knew was that Emma wanted to leave and she said it was _you_ who’d told her to come and talk to me. She said you’d been having problems and she couldn’t do it anymore…I thought she was running away from you…” the other woman explained and Regina was thankful for it because it fuelled her need to be angry no matter how much she wished she wasn’t.

“Bet you loved that” she growled feeling the familiar anger but pang of guilt that was always associated with Snow’s disapproval of their relationship. At the knowledge that Emma had fought for a family, her family and her parents for her entire life and once she had them they did not approve of her. Whether Snow’s view was based solely who Emma was with or the fact she was with a woman Regina never knew nor cared to know, but she feared it could have been both. Either way Snow disapproved of something that was so fundamental to who Emma was, it had made Regina furious. It still did. It made her even angrier knowing Snow was right. It had been Regina who had suggested Emma go and speak to her mother. She hadn’t however realised in doing so she was signing their relationship’s death warrant…maybe even Emma’s too.

“Of course I didn’t!” Snow snapped back finally turning to where Regina was now kneeling. There was something keeping Regina in her place, stopping her from sitting once more but stopping her from rising and storming off. Not that she should be the one to storm off, she was here first.

“You were against our relationship from the start” Regina stated the guilt of the pain she knew it had caused her love was creeping in and landing solidly within her chest, constricting her breathing. Pain she had had inflicted upon her simply because she and Regina had fallen in love. Neither had planned for it. Neither had seen it coming and had been just as blindsided by it as anyone else. Emma hadn’t been to blame and yet had suffered the most.

“Are you surprised?” Snow said simply though unpredictably Regina saw no malice. No she wasn’t surprised.  She was surprised it had taken Snow two years to admit it however when she had made her view clear. “She was my daughter Regina … with our past…of course I had my reservations” the younger woman continued as she folded her own envelope into her trouser pocket. 

“Reservations! That’s what you’re calling it” Regina shrieked and finally whatever had been holding her in place, released her; though to her surprise she felt herself sit heavily upon the ground again. The former Mayor’s heart was beating within her chest at a sporadic rate. 

“I had my reservations. I had my doubts and my fears and Emma’s leaving Storybrooke as far as I knew confirmed them” her former step-daughter replied firmly. Regina felt as if Snow had kicked her legs from beneath her; not because what Snow was saying was true, but because she knew exactly why she’d believed it. Regina had believed it. Regina had believed just as Snow that they had been having problems and Emma had fled Storybrooke to get away from one person. Regina. A month after Emma’s return and death, Regina wished more than anything that they had been right. At least Emma would have been alive and healthy, even if it was in Boston. 

“I would never hurt Emma” Regina said softly, if nothing else she wanted Snow to believe that. It was too late for Emma to get her approval but she guessed it was up to her to prove why Snow should have given it two years ago.

“You say that but after having a long history of doing just that…I found it difficult to believe” Snow said and Regina could see the honesty in her eyes. She wanted to defend herself. She wanted to deny what Snow was saying, except she was right. It was something she had to live with for the rest of her life. The knowledge of the damage she had inflicted upon her true love before she was even born; the hell she went through growing up because of her. Even the pain she herself inflicted upon Emma during her first year in Storybrooke. It was guilt she would never be able to shift.

“I love her” Regina breathed as she felt not for the first time today, tears prickling at her eyes. She wished she could stop crying. She was surprised she wasn’t waterlogged with the amount of tears she’d shed over the last thirty-one days. She loved and lost the love of the life in little less than two years and yet somehow she was expected to keep going. To keep breathing. She wasn’t even sure how she had managed for a month, never mind how she was supposed to manage for the rest of her life. She had finally learnt and gained the ability to love someone other than her son. Their son. She’d been loved selflessly in return. She had managed to achieve so much and somehow it had been ripped from her without her even noticing.

“I know… I know that now” Snow seemed to whisper back as if talking any louder may damage Regina further. What good did knowing it now do? Emma had believed Snow’s love was conditional. Had believed that Emma had to do just as her mother wanted or she would be discarded just has she had been her entire life. Snow had done that. Had reinforced that by ultimately ignoring Emma’s confession in Neverland…by expressing her belief she had failed as Emma’s mother and wanted to try again with another child. By dismissing her love for Regina. Snow had done that and now Emma was gone, what good did knowing it now do to anyone. “Most of the time I knew that but I had doubts Regina and I couldn’t risk Emma getting hurt by telling you I knew her address” Snow finished and Regina felt her tears almost boil down her face as they fell. She wouldn’t have hurt Emma, not again.

“I could have helped her. I could have brought her home” the former Mayor said feeling the venom bubble and swelling in the gut of her stomach. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand this fruitless argument with Snow before she did something she was almost certain she would regret. Snow had stolen precious time away from them. Was it her revenge? Pay back for the twenty eight years she had taken? It was now Regina turn to feel that pain.  

“I know” the other woman said so softly it just made her madder. Snow didn’t know. She didn’t see the damage she had done. Snow was known for her inability to keep secrets…why did this have to be the one she kept? Why hadn’t she told Regina? Why had she made Emma suffer alone and even though Snow didn’t know it, feeling so unloved. Regina could have been there instead of distant memories of happier times brought on by familiar smells locked away in Emma’s broken mind. She could have been there the night Emma had considered suicide. She could have held her and lied to make them both feel better, told her it was going to get better.

“You stopped that. You…you robbed us all of time with her”, Regina spat and watched as Snow flinched. The woman before her simply looked guilty and it did nothing to make her feel better. It infuriated her. What good was looking or feeling guilty? It wouldn’t bring Emma back. “We might have been able to cure her!” she continued and saw the second pity was back in the younger woman’s eyes. If only she had known they could have done more… they could have done something! Emma had died because she hadn’t known until it was too late.

“Regina…no” Snow whispered sadly in that sickening tone once more.

“NO!” the former Evil Queen bellowed. She was not going to have Snow White feel sorry for her. She was right and Snow was wrong. They could have done something and Snow had made that impossible. She had known where Emma was and instead of sharing that information…information which could have saved her daughter’s life she choose to keep it to herself. Emma had slowly died believing no one cared, because she did not remember that she had countless people who did. She suffered because her own mother couldn’t get her head out of the past and trust that her daughter had fallen in love. She had done this and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make Regina think otherwise. “ _You_ did this. You knew where she was and you did nothing. Everything could have been different” Regina shouted, hating herself for being able to hear her emotions getting the better of her.

“You don’t think I know that now?” Snow replied sadly. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know what was happening to her and yes I might have let our past cloud my judgement but I did what I felt was best for my daughter with the knowledge I had” Snow continued in her usual righteous manner. She just didn’t understand.  “I regret not telling you, I do and it hurts knowing there’s nothing I can do now to change it” the current Mayor finished and Regina once again felt the familiar spark.

“You’re wrong” Regina replied, feeling for the first time in a month that maybe things good be okay.

“No… I’m not. I did what I thought was best. I never meant to cause you or Henry pain. I thought…” Snow continued clearly confused. Once again she had missed Regina’s point.

“No” Regina interrupted as she pulled the letter out of her pocket and pushed it at Snow’s face. “We can change it. She’s not gone Snow” Regina said as she felt the first real smile grace her lips.

“I don’t understand…” the other brunette said slowly and Regina resisted the urge to growl in annoyance.

“The letter damn it!” she shouted brandishing the envelope at the other woman who was looking at her as if she’d gone crazy. Maybe she had. “She’s not really gone. When I touch it…when I read it I feel her. She’s here. She’s not gone” she explained and she watched as the look of confusions slipped from Snow’s face; in its place was a heartbroken grimace.

“Regina, Emma is dead” the pixie haired woman explained. Regina felt the roar of fury erupt from within. Of course she knew that! Emma had died in her arms she did not need to be told such a thing from this idiotic woman. It was something she had revisited repeatedly in her dreams over the last thirty one days. She was no fool, she knew Emma was dead!

“You don’t think I know that!” Regina rushed angrily before taking a deep breath. She did not need Snow’s approval or blessing, Snow had no magic. It was only her and her alone that would be able to do it. But she owed it to Emma to explain to her mother. “Emma has magic…she is a product of true love and has this unique…marker…a feeling that I can feel every time I hold this letter” Regina continued as she debated explaining that both Emma and her had felt it when she was alive.  Also to resist the urge to grab Snow’s letter to prove her point. “She’s not gone, I think I can bring her back I just need to find the way” Regina finished and she realised she was begging Emma’s mother to understand. To not give up on her daughter yet again. She could do it, she could bring Emma back.

“What? Regina no. That’s not possible. She’s dead…she’s gone” Snow explained and actually looked worried about _her_. Like Regina was important in this. To her. “These are just letters. Like the diary. Something she left for us to read once she was gone” the fair former Queen continued. Regina felt like bursting into tears. The woman before her knew about Emma’s diary. She hadn’t told anyone, not even Henry. She believed one day she would share it with her son once he was old enough. But Snow knew about it anyway. There was only one way Snow would know about Emma’s diary… Emma herself. “Believe me I know…” the other woman tried to continue.

“You know nothing! You got your happy ending and your perfect prince” Regina shouted and she saw the moment the woman in front of her broke. She saw the fight she felt within. Fight to run, fight to stay. Fight to give up and the fight to never give in.

“She was my daughter!” Snow exclaimed in disbelief and Regina knew she’d lost the other woman. “There is NO one who wants what you’re saying to be true more than me. You don’t need to tell me how this is my fault because I already know that!” the other woman continued. Regina saw the angry tears spill from Snow’s eyes and felt a pang deep within her chest. She blamed Snow, but knowing Snow blamed herself too made her feel worse. The thought of that young girl she had once cared for losing her daughter…blaming herself; it hurt more than she expected. The woman before her was suffering in a way she had wanted her to for decades. She was finally broken.

“She was thirty years old and I missed out on twenty eight of them. I am a mother and except I have no child. I miss her every second of every day so don’t you dare tell me I don’t know. I might not have lost my true love but I have lost my child and there is NOTHING I can do to make that pain go away. I must carry with me for the rest of my life knowing I could have done more to protect my daughter. So don’t you dare tell me I got my happy ending because this is far from it!” Snow finished all but screaming at her as tears fell fast down her face. Regina wanted to badly to reassure the woman in front of her. The woman who right now was a perfect mix of the little girl Regina had looked after and the woman she’d lost. Regina could even see Henry in the woman crying before her.

“What if she isn’t lost? What if these are her way of communicating with us?” Regina explained. Emma had promised she would do whatever she could when she died. What if this was it? What if this was her way of telling them she wasn’t really gone. Emma had magic Regina could only dream of. She had been born with magic, it wasn’t taught. Maybe this was her finally using it to its full potential. Her way of telling them she was just out of sight, if only they went looking.

“We have to let her go. It’s not healthy…it’s just wishful thinking. I wish it could be done but I can’t…it can’t be done” Snow said firmly though her voice still shuddered and Regina could see Snow’s attempt to regain her composure.

“I can’t give up on her, Snow. I can’t. I have to try… I love her” Regina gulped, hearing her own breathe trembling. Maybe it wasn’t possible, maybe she couldn’t bring Emma back but she had to try. She couldn’t walk this world alone. She’d done too much to get to this point not to try.

“I know you do and I know you feel like you can’t give up but you have to. For your sake…for Henry’s. I know-“Snow continued trying to sooth her as if she were a small child that did not understand what she was talking about. She understood better than Snow. She understood better than anyone ever could.

“You know nothing!” Regina cried as she pushed herself upwards. Standing at her full height she simply stared in disbelief at the pale woman. She could remember that sinking feeling at seeing Henry taking his own heart from his chest for Pan. She could remember every second that followed as Emma and she fought to get their son back. Get him back healthy…alive. They fought as every parent should and yet this woman had given up so easily on her daughter. She did not deserve a daughter like Emma Swan. It was with a look of disgust that Regina turned on her heel and refused to look back.

She could not stop the tears as they fell though. She clutched Emma’s letter to her chest as she submerged herself in the feeling of Emma’s magic. This wasn’t like Whale trying to bring Daniel back. She wouldn’t let that happen to Emma. Whale was a man of science not magic. Magic was what was needed. Magic she had. She had to try. She couldn’t not. She couldn’t look at her son and tell him there was nothing she could do, unless she tried. Emma was the saviour, the product of true love. The breaker of Regina’s curse. Regina’s true love and Henry’s mother. It all had to mean something.  She couldn’t just give up. She wouldn’t just give up. Not on Emma.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

**Title:** Famous Last Words

 **Author** : Calliope-plantain

 **Rating:**  M

 **Pairing:** Regina/Emma

 **Disclaimer:**  I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.

 **Storyline:**  *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neitherexpected.

 **Author's Note:** I’m sorry for the huge delay in updating…again! Sadly university is my priority and I will update when I can.

 **Beta:** Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she’s missed and any feelings of distress are her fault ;)

_“I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak.”– My Chemical Romance._

The join of the doorframe dug deeply into her spine as she slid down the varnished wood, clutching the well-read letter in her hand. Nearly two months since the first letter had graced her doormat. She had been searching for nearly two months. Every book had been looked through, cursed at and cried over. She had begged each of them as time went on for just one to supply her with the answers she craved. If she listened closely she could hear each laughing cruelly at her.

She was the Evil Queen after all. She had ripped happy endings from so many, so why did she deserve one? Except she was not the only one to suffer. Her son had lost his mother and despite her best efforts she could feel him losing another. She had failed as a partner;she would not fail as a mother too.

Movie nights on Fridays were back, though she found each mocked her with only a soundtrack she could hear. Each film Henry chose had made Emma laugh, cry or simply make sarcastic comments at least once. Even the ones they had always planned to watch made Regina want to rip out her own heart, because Emma would never see them.

She always had dinner on the table for her son coming in and listened to the day he had had at school. She helped with his homework and ensured he went out with his friends and stayed over regularly at his grandparents. She had been doing everything a mother was ought to…and yet she felt empty. Going through the motions.

There were moments where Henry did or said something, or as she walked through Storybrooke and Pongo had escaped yet again closely followed by a frantic Archie and she would smile. It was nothing grand or magically but a smile would touch her lips and the guilt would hit her. Guilt at smiling…at being happy without Emma. What right did she have to be happy when Emma wasn’t there beside her? Then anger at herself for feeling that way because Emma wouldn’t want her to be sad…not to be happy. Then guilt would follow, trapping her in a vicious circle. A cycle she could not escape. Worse still she didn’t want to escape it. She did not want the day when she would smile and not feel bad about it; because it would be the day she would accept Emma was really gone.

She spent most of her days flipping between anger, depression and guilt. The anger was fiery and it felt as if she might just burn through her, consuming everything she was, everything that remained... Everything Emma and she could have been. Then the depression would settle upon her…the emptiness. The void that never seemed to fill, not even a little. Nothing eased the pain. Not even Henry, though he did help; but still she smiled her fake smiles and hopes he never notices it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

And so she does things to distract her. While Snow and Regina hadn’t spoken since that day at the beach, Regina had found herself doing things for the Mayor. Regina had far more experience at ruling a kingdom and a town than Snow would ever hope to gain and so Regina allowed herself to be distracted. Budgets, reports, recording minutes of council meetings…anything and everything she had hated and tried to delegate to those below her, she did now. Anything to make her forget.

The jobs felt like a raincoat she wore day after day, and her grief the rain that fell from a cloud that only hung over her head. Her working hours were the relief and break she needed from the hounding thoughts of Emma and what she went through. A respite from the images that plagued her in her waking hours and when in sleep. Sure people would ask how she was and she could sense their eyes upon her but it never felt as bad when she was working. When she was being productive.

But then the end of day would come. Sometimes her personal rain cloud did not start its storm until that moment her key slid in the front door. The second that door opened everything rained down upon her. The howling wind so high and loud she could not hear anything else but her beloved begging her to let her go. Or the fruitless arguments they had wasted their limited time having… ones she never would have had, had she known Emma’s time was so short. The pelting grief never let up, it never died down. One day she hoped whenever she closed her eyes or thought of Emma Swan she wouldn’t see the woman she’d become at the end. One day she might remember the flow of her golden hair, the tone of her laughter…something; anything but the fragile woman that had died in her arms. Emma had promised her a month ago that she’d be happy again one day. Regina only wished she could remember them being happy together. Wished she could talk about Emma without being choked by her emotions and all things left unsaid.

She had lost loved ones in her life. She had been the cause of some of them too. None of them had felt like this. Not Daniel or even her father. She felt as if she was living a half-life. An empty life and found herself living for those moments where Henry would smile or the moments when she was descend the stairs each morning and look at the doormat in the hope that maybe, just maybe another letter from Emma would be there. A letter that might help her find the missing piece; the piece that would bring her back to them.

A month exactly following the first letter a second had arrived just as the first at what she could only assume was the crack of dawn because she did not hear its arrival. It had been written on the same paper, in the same pen and hand as the first. Just as the first she felt her skin tingle at its touch as her fingers slid across the small “2” in top right hand corner of the envelop and eyes scanned her address in the middle. Just as hastily she ripped open the envelope.

_“Regina,_

_I’m sorry to do this to you but I didn’t know if I would be coming back to Storybrooke when I wrote my Will and so did it in Boston. I’m guessing though I don’t know how these things work but had you been in the “real” world things may have been easier. I changed everything I could into both our names but for the rest it’s in my Will. You’ll need to go to my attorney’s office in Boston at the address below. I’m sorry I can’t remember what you need to take with you but if you ring the number below I’m sure they can help._

_I love you so much and I am so sorry for putting you though all this._

_Emma”_

It had taken her two weeks to even pick up the phone. What had surprised her was that it had been a bad day at the office that had spurred her on. While Regina and Snow hadn’t spoken since that day at the beach, the pixie haired woman had made her presence known. Regina had stalked into the study and removed the now well-read letter from the draw beneath the phone and rang the number without thought. If she had given herself time to consider her actions she would have realised just how unprofessional she had been. She had however managed to ask the gentleman on the other end all the right questions and answered the ones put to her; all the while trying to stop herself from breaking down. The gentleman had told her exactly what documents were required and what she needed to do. He also ensured that she knew that due to probate proceedings she may not receive Emma’s estate for a while, but they could discuss that in more depth in person. She made an appointment for the next morning without thought. This morning.

She hadn’t slept. Hardly a rare occurrence in the last two and half months since Emma’s passing. Surprisingly Henry hadn’t woken in the night and climbed into her bed. She had been thankful for his sake that for last night at least his sleep had been uninterrupted.  The hours of darkness had provided Regina with time to collect all the necessary documents and time to once again look through one of her many magic books. She had as was expected of her, gotten Henry up and made his breakfast before walking him to the bus stop. She had reminded him he was to eat at his grandparents’ house but as always it was up to him if he stayed over or came home.

Part of her was glad he hadn’t been home all day. Part of her wanted to hold him tight and never let him go, but instead the letter than had accompanied Emma’s Will was clutched tighter in her hand. She still hadn’t opened it. She’d been home for a few hours and the letter had remained in her pocket untouched…until now. The ever present tingling was spurring her on to open it. Only how could she read something Emma had written with the belief that when Regina did read it, she’d be dead. Sure the diary and letters had been difficult and she supposed written knowing that Regina might read them when she was gone, but not like this. This letter was written by Emma knowing it might be her last chance to explain her decisions and wishes to a woman who at the time she believed did not care for her. How could she make herself read it knowing that?

The drive itself had been daunting enough. Finding the big building had been difficult and she felt completely out of her depth and the power suit she had donned to mask her fear had done little to help. She had faulted in her explanation as to why she was there to the receptionist who had given her that sad smile everyone gave her these days in complete understanding. Regina supposed she did. How many people did she have the same conversation with on a day to day bases? She had been directed to sit in the nicely if not a little coldly decorated waiting area for when her name was called out.

The attorney Emma had worked with and Regina had spoken to on the phone hadn’t looked as she had expected him. She supposed her only experience of people like him had been former kings and cursed townsfolk. He smiled at her, only a hint of saddened smile touching his lips. Just enough to make her feel his empathy but more than anything she felt comforted. He took a note of her attire and must have assumed she was educated; she saw the moment he altered his speech and language to a level he believed she’d understand. It changed again when he realised she was a former mayor. If she was honest with herself she understood most of what he said. What she didn’t came from being a mayor of a small town cut off from the rest of the world and not needing to know or understand but also from being a grieving family member. He went through the necessary paperwork that verified her as Regina Mills the sole beneficiary of the Will with the exception of a Trust in Henry’s name. He had reminded her once again that probate slowed down the process but as there was a Will it would be much easier. She had signed everything that was needed of her. Most of it was a blur except the moment he placed the letter in Regina’s hand. A tangible thing of Emma’s she could hold in her hand.

She could still see the almost expecting look on the man’s face as if he expected her to open it with him present. Instead she had asked if he needed her to do anything else and was glad he looked somewhat embarrassed before reassuring her that everything would be taken care of and he would contact her once it was all over. Except here she was at least six hours later and the letter was still unopened.

Her head fell against her raised knees. This time tears did not fall, but she could hear her laboured breath and couldn’t help but wonder when this would all be over. She did not want Emma’s things. She wanted Emma. She still heard her voice around the house and could always hear her chuckle of laughter in the first moments of waking when she had once again been caught dozing on the couch. Only Emma wasn’t there. The confusing buzz came and went leaving a subtle undertone that never left Regina’s skin.  Reminding her she was just out of sight but still with her.

Lifting her head again she stared at the small envelope, different size and colour to the rest but the writing upon it was just the same. Her eyes once again followed the neat loop of Emma’s writing and felt herself wondering how many more there was. Would Emma keep writing until Regina worked out how to bring her back? She hoped so. But she feared Emma might realise just as Regina was starting to realise, it might not be possible. The saviour’s faith in her was misplaced. She was just an Evil sorceress who had been graced with the misplaced love of a wonderful woman she never deserved.

Feeling the paper move beneath her fingers she gingerly opened the licked seal with a brief thought to the woman who’d sealed it.

_“_ _22 nd_ _May 2014_

_Dear Regina._

_It is my hope that you receive this sometime after you receive my diary. I hope you can understand what I’ve done. I hope one day you can forgive me for letting you down. It was never my intention. Sometimes these things are out of our control. I hope more than anything that I am able to tear this letter up in the months to come with a diagnosis of remission but I can feel it…it’s not going to happen._

_I hope you don’t stay angry at me for long. Not for my sake but yours. We both did what we could but some things aren’t meant to be. I never dreamed I would fall in love with an amazing, smart and beautiful woman like you, never mind get that love in return. Somehow I did. Somehow I was just that lucky; but now my luck has run out._

_I would never change it. None of it. Not the fights or arguments…not the time it took us to realise just how stupid we both were and stop fighting what was between us. Without it, without even a small piece it wouldn’t be our story. Despite everything that’s happened to me and us I am so thankful for this happy ending. I can’t see it being anything else. I never stopped loving you Regina. I know you think otherwise and maybe saying it now is pointless but I never stopped._

_Part of me likes to think this whole Will thing is a precaution. It’s the second one I’ve made since I left Storybrooke and I lived to change it; but I don’t know if it is just that. If you’re reading this, I guess that’s the answer. I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare, but it’s not a nightmare is it? It’s real. And I’ve gotta grow up. Make sure my family is well looked after. Seems stupid when I know exactly how much money is in your accounts to even think it but I don’t want Henry to grow up and forget me. To not pull my weight. Also make sure Neal pays his part too. You looked after him for ten years without me; I know you can do it again. I have faith in you but I want to be part of it._

_As par my Will I have left a trust in his name which will consist of all financial assets in my name at the time of my death once medical bills and costs have been taken care of. If there is anything of mine which can be sold to lessen the burden of colleges, weddings, houses; you name it, you can sell it. I only ask once Henry becomes of age you transfer the bug to him. It’s a solid and reliable car – while I know you disagree it will be a great car for him to learn to drive in, and if god forbid he does crash or damage it in anyway it won’t be your car!_

_Please can you give my blanket to Mary Margaret and David? I carried it with me through every home that would have me and it saw me through my most difficult times and so I ask you to return it so it may do the same for them._

_My eggs. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but I know it’s the right one to make. I’ve paid for the storage for a year and with my death they are now left to you (if you’ve signed the paperwork). After the year you can do whatever you want with them. Use them, discard them…whatever you want. There is no pressure one way or the other. I know right now you aren’t my biggest fan but they are frozen so that if I get better and I manage to get you back we have an option. If that happens I am not saying they must be used either, if we get the tests done and yours are okay mine aren’t needed. If both are fine and we decide to adopt or not have any more likewise that’s okay too. But if I do die, please don’t feel you’re obliged to use them, because you aren’t. You don’t want to use them, don’t. Whatever you want!_

_I don’t really know what else to say. Be happy Regina. Don’t keep anything you don’t need – sell it; donate it, whatever you want. I don’t know if I believe in God or some higher being but if by some weird possibility I am proven wrong – know I will watch over you and Henry. No way I would pass that up! I want to see him grow up and be happy. I hope you’ll both be happy. I want to see that._

_I love you Regina and I love you Henry. Neither of you ever forget that. Ever. Thank you both for being my happy ending. I couldn’t have asked for more._

_Yours, Emma Swan & Ma xx”_

She knew the tears were falling down her face before she even finished the multiple paged letter. She made no attempt to stop them falling as she hugged her knees in tighter to her chest. None of the pages were splashed by dried tears. How had Emma been able to write it and not cry? Where had she been when she had written it? She knew as she read each request she had to honour it. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for Emma. She would do it all.

She felt a heavy body collide with her own, almost knocking her over. She didn’t care as she heard her little boy’s sobs barely muffled by her shoulder. She managed to lower them completely to the ground before she was able to pull him towards her, engulfed him entirely. She ignored the sound of the letter in her hand cringle under the move. Henry’s tears and broken cries did nothing to her resolve and simply made her tears fall harder and heavier. She had tried so hard not to cry in front of him and since the earlier day this was the first time she’d seen him cry.

It was with a pang of embarrassment she noticed the state of the room they were in the doorway of. Books which had refused to give her the answers she needed thrown in all directions. Some open and creased. It was when Henry sobbed again she realised she didn’t care. She placed a big, heavy kiss upon the boy’s crown and felt him sigh against her throat.

“I miss her, Mom”, Henry stuttered heavily making the hot tears falling from her eyes fall faster. Regina wished she could take his pain away. She wished she could tell him she’d found the spell that was going to bring his mother back to them. That she was so close she could almost hear the melody of Emma’s laughter. Except she couldn’t, because she wasn’t. She was failing them both.

As she placed another heavy kiss into his hair she allowed her eyes to slide close and she saw her. Saw Emma’s once beautiful face now gaunt and lifeless looking up at her. It didn’t matter she knew the blonde had died with her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. She saw none. She never did. It broke her knowing that the last good thing she did with her, simply lying in bed enjoying each other’s company wasn’t what she remembered. They’d never do that again. Not again.

There was so much they were meant to do together. So many things they put off until later believing they had a later to do it in. Emma had so much life only nine months ago. So much joy and a skip in her step and now it was all gone. Then there were the things in anger or ambivalence, things she can never take back. Clutching Emma’s letter she was amazed by what she read. The pure love that shone through Emma’s words for her and their son. It was unwavering.

“Me too Henry”, Regina breathed. She could feel her grief pouring down upon her and for the first time allowed it to take her over. She allowed Henry to see, hear and feel it as she gripped him tighter. They had managed another day. They had managed to keep breathing and survive another day and yet again there was no sense of achievement. It wasn’t the knowing she’d made it that made her feel worse. It was the knowing tomorrow will be the same...and the day after that, and the one after that; until the end of time. Both Henry and her moving away from the moment Emma was there in their lives, with only unreliable and fading memories to take with them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

**Title:** Famous Last Words

 **Author** : Calliope-plantain

 **Rating:**  M

 **Pairing:** Regina/Emma

 **Disclaimer:**  I do not own Once. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.

 **Storyline:**  *Sequel to Last Thing You'll Do* Emma tries to help Regina to come to terms with her death which leads them somewhere neither expected.

 **Author's Note:**  I want to apologise for being so terrible at updating but it hardly seems acceptable to even try at this point. Life has gotten messy, busy and just beyond hectic. This is a story that I plan to continue to write but I know I have many assignments and my own research that one day will be published to be getting on with. This chapter alone I’ve had written on my computer in various stages since April last year! That said I will keep writing – I just don’t know how long it will take!

 **Beta:** Scarlet-Marauder awesomely encouraged me to write this, and then was my beta. So any mistakes she's missed and any feelings of distress are her fault ;)

" _I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak."– My Chemical Romance._

_Emma had stormed off after yet another argument. It wasn't a big one. It was barely a blip really. Just a simple "who left the milk out before work this morning" spat. Regina knew it was Emma because she'd taken Henry to school while Emma was making her coffee. It had meant to be a reminder to make sure it was put away so it wouldn't spoil. It wasn't meant to spark an argument, nor was it meant to upset Emma. However, Regina had been unable to do much else these last three weeks. It was just another argument that Emma had somehow managed to bring her mother into. The very thing Regina tried her hardest not to argue about. It was just a fragile topic for both of them; both as individuals and as a couple. She certainly didn't argue about Snow in front of Henry. It wasn't fair. Emma had stormed off and left Regina and Henry looking at each other with sadness and confusion in their eyes because this shouldn't be the new norm._

_The first week Regina had just chalked it up to her time of the month. Emma could get grumpy and emotional for those five to seven days. Twenty-one days later, however, Regina was getting worried. Emma couldn't keep doing this. It wasn't good for Henry. It wasn't good for Emma and it certainly wasn't good for their relationship. Regina had tried to be reasonable. She had tried being understanding. She had tried being angry in the hope Emma might snap and tell her something – anything. But the blonde just remained silent._

_That had been seven hours ago. Henry had long been in bed while Regina had read in her study. Part of her had wanted to go and see her girlfriend on patrol. Check she was okay. But she had waited in the hope Emma might have reappeared. Except she hadn't. So Regina had waited. She had stared at the same pages in her book for hours. Listening to the clock tick, every second. Every second Emma didn't come home. Regina listened for the front door to open. Except Emma had come in so quietly Regina hadn't heard her. It was only when the stairs had creaked that Regina had realised someone else in the house was up. She had assumed it might have been Henry as she hadn't heard the door. Emma had barely looked at her as Regina had gone to investigate. They had simply stared at one another; the blonde on the stair, Regina with one hand on her study's door frame. Regina had sensed the blonde was in no better mood than when she had left, so she had given her ten minutes. Ten minutes to get into bed and then she'd try to talk to her. She would try and just do something which might lift the thick air from around them._

_The bed clothes she had donned she had gotten from the clean laundry so not to approach Emma too soon. She knew Emma though. The other woman would probably pretend to be asleep to avoid a conversation. Regina saw however as she slowly opened their bedroom door the slight shudder of her lover's shoulders. She could see the woman facing away from her was trying so hard not to shake. It was clear Emma was crying and yet she did not want Regina to know. The sight broke her heart. She could almost feel the muscle crack down the middle as she slipped into bed. She could pretend. She could pretend she could not hear the blonde's laboured breath and shoulders shake; but she couldn't. She wished she could reach out and offer support. She wished she could pull Emma into her arms and tell her whatever it was would be okay. If she just shared it with Regina, it would be okay. Except she couldn't. Emma wouldn't let her…and that hurt more than anything._

_"Talk to me Emma" she pleaded just wishing she could make her love see she was just trying to help. That was all Regina was ever trying to do. Emma couldn't keep doing this. Couldn't keep running herself into the ground for her mother. The ball was in Snow's court. She was Emma's mother and it was her responsibility to show Emma why she could be in her life, not the other way around. Emma had to learn to say no. Learn that it was okay to say it. Then learn not to feel guilty if she did._

_All she heard in reply was a soft sigh followed by another sniff. She wasn't trying to overstep. She wasn't trying to push Snow out of Emma's life, despite the fact she believed Snow had no right to keep pushing her way in. Emma deserved better than Snow could ever give her daughter. But for Emma she tried. She smiled all the fake smiles and was as pleasant as she could be. She did what she had to, to keep Emma happy; and yet here she was crying in the darkness of night…alone._

_"Please," Regina begged and heard Emma stuttered sob, feeling the cover over her moved as Emma turned to lie upon her back. She could see very little of her face but from the small amount of light that managed to make its way through the curtains she could see the tears falling down her partner's fair skin._

_"I'm not ready…" Emma spluttered, her breath catching in her throat as she uttered her first words since Regina had entered the room. Her tone…the way her breath sounded wet and broken…it hurt within Regina's chest. To hear, see and feel Emma's turmoil ached within her heart and made her feel sick with the anxious worry she'd been carrying within her for weeks now._

_"Okay," Regina breathed feeling her eyes fill as Emma turned to face her. She knew she couldn't fix everything but she wished she could do something to ease whatever Emma was going through. She wished she could tell her to screw her mother and just live her life without seeking her approval but she knew and understood the need to do just that, despite knowing it would never come. It would never be enough. It hadn't been for Cora and it would never be for Snow._

_"Regina?" Emma whispered so softly Regina felt it brush across her skin before it reached her ears. Her name sounded so small and unsure as slipped from her lover's lips. It made her bottom lip quiver and heart pound._

_"Yes?" she managed back and heard the same vulnerable tone in return as if she had little control, and with Emma she seldom did. She rarely cared because with Emma she did not need it. She liked to feel as if she was in control but knew Emma would not hurt her or trick her if she wasn't. Except right now she wished she had control. She wished she had the ability to make it all stop. Make it better. Make it not hurt anymore. Make it so Emma wouldn't return from patrol after 1 am slipping into their bed as she cried herself to sleep. Whatever it was she wished Emma would share the burden. Whatever it was that was making Emma believe she had to carry this burden alone…cry alone; she wished Emma would let her carry some of the load._

_"Can... Can you just hold me?" Emma requested quietly, finally looking her in the eye; and all Regina could see was every ounce of pain and stress the other woman insisted she carrying. She couldn't do anything about what she did not know, but she could do that. She could do that until her arms felt numb and even then she couldn't let go. She did not response put instead threw one arm wide and watched as Emma tucked herself into her side. Before Regina's arm looped around to hold Emma to her, the blonde's arm secured itself around her midriff and held on as if her life depended on it.  As Emma's ragged breath danced across Regina's chest she felt Emma's finger tips almost burying themselves into her side as if she was terrified to let her go. "I love you, Regina. I always will" Emma breathed softly and yet so painfully, Regina felt it so deeply in her soul it was a struggle to even breathe._

As Regina's eyes opened it took her a moment to realise where she was. She could still feel Emma's warm and breathe against her skin. If she moved the sensation would leave her. The sleep like fog was lifting from the corners of her brain and she wasn't ready to face yet another day. Each day was as the last. The dark hole that had consumed her life had only one astonishing light. Henry.

She could hear him moving around on the landing. She briefly wondered what it was and how much she had overslept. Her sleep patterns had become quite hectic of late. She seemed to either sleep too little or too much; both leaving her just as exhausted. It was a level of exhaustion that seemed to seep into her every fibre and take root in her soul. Turning her head, however, she saw that her alarm said it was a little after seven. She should be up but it wasn't terrible.

She dreaded and yearned for dreams of Emma. In the early days after Emma's passing Regina rarely dreamed. She rarely allowed herself to dream. Then she realised it was a way of being with Emma. All she had to do was open her eyes and there the beautiful blonde would be. Sometimes in manners in which she had seen her and they could relive memories long gone. Or in fantasies of which Regina sometimes struggled to leave. She did not know which she preferred. Both had their appeal but both made her equally miserable. But they were still chances to see her love. Chances that if she was honest with herself were becoming less and less likely.

Her research wasn't yielding any results. She had been on the verge of giving up so many times. Except she couldn't just leave Emma wherever she was. Regina had not believed in the afterlife. Not in the traditional sense. It seemed impossible until three months ago when Emma had died. Regina felt her presence too often. Things went missing or would reappear too many times to just be a coincidence.  Emma was surrounding her all the time and yet her research had been useless! Only one suggestion seemed to ring true and that was a life for a life. At times it was tempting. She would be lying if she said otherwise. She had been known as the Evil Queen for a reason, and when things were at their worst she considered it. One mere fairy tale character's life for that of Emma's. For the saviour's, her love's and Henry's mother. All it would take was the death of one town's person. But then who? Who would Emma ever forgive her for doing that to in order to save her life? Who would Henry ever forgive her for killing to get his mother back? Who would Regina waste her second chance on?

Sometimes She had considered herself. To kill herself to give Emma a chance. Neither Henry or Emma would forgive her for that but at the worst times…when the pain gets too much, she wonders. Their anger and distress would be worth it if it got Emma back. Though even at the worst times Regina couldn't guarantee it would work; and instead it would leave Henry without either of his mothers. So she continued on. She lived for those moments when Henry would smiles at her, for the moments when a letter written in Emma's hand would appear unexpectedly and for those moments in the dead of night when she closed her eyes and she was in arms of her true love.

Last time's dream had not been great. There had been worse. There had been ones that were perfect. Each as uncontrollable as the last. She recalled Emma's tears and wished she had known what she did now. She wished she had been strong enough to make Emma see they could fight anything, all Emma had to do was let her in. Emma's splutters that night about not being ready hadn't been about her not being ready to talk. While she hadn't been ready share what was wrong, Emma had meant she wasn't ready to die. How could anyone that young, their life ahead of them ever be ready to die?

"Mom?" came Henry's whisper through the closed bedroom door, causing her to smile. Such a gentleman.

"Yes, Henry?" she called back as she moved to sit up. There was little point in staying in bed now; Emma had all but left her. Except the buzz. Emma's buzz against her skin was still ever present. Regina lived in fear of the day where that would cease. When the day Emma realised, Regina was a lost cause and she had to move on. Wherever "on" was.

Her young prince looked sheepishly as he opened the door. He looked almost apologetic for disturbing her. In reality, she should be up by now. She wasn't at work today, but Henry was at school. As it was Wednesday it was Charming who was meant to be picking the teenager up to go to school, which did make her lapse in responsibility somewhat okay.

Henry didn't come any further into the room and seemed to simply look more sheepish as the seconds continued. "Yes dear?" she asked hoping to prompt the young teen, who she could see was still in his night clothes.

"Erm… this was on the doormat" Henry said stepping forward, brandishing a similar looking envelope at her. Regina didn't need to hold it in her hand to understand what it was. It was another letter from Emma. A letter that Henry had found. Regina as of yet had kept quiet about these letters for fear of exciting Henry, just in case Regina was unable to use magic to bring his mother back. But there it was. The letter that would break them both. Regina would have to explain what it meant. She would have to explain to the teen what a failure she had been. Explain to him just how ashamed she was.

She hadn't accounted for this, and all Henry could do was look confused. Of course, he was confused. Henry recognised his mother's writing. It wasn't as if Regina could lie to him anymore. Or brush him off with an unrealistic story or explanation. Henry would see right through it. But it was as Regina took the envelope from her son that she noticed that unlike the others there was no number donned at the top right corner. Instead, it read "22nd October 2014". Emma's birthday.


End file.
